“No, we are not putting swimsuits on today,
it is rainy and cold outside.”
Those were the magic words. Most days it takes time and it builds, but not that morning. That morning it took one sentence.
“UGH! You never let me do ANYTHING I want! You’re the meanest ever! Pack my stuff!
I want to go to a new home! I’m not kidding! Call Mrs. J. I don’t want to live here
I realize in retrospect that this is a silly situation but the fact of the matter is we have conversations like this a lot. With tears streaming down her face she will throw every word she knows to get me to believe that she hates me, that I am not her mom and never will be, that her life was so much better before me.
And it sucks.
Before Clint and I got in to fostering we had people telling us constantly about how hard it was going to be. Most the time it felt like they were trying to change our minds about what God had laid on our hearts. We always knew this was going to be difficult, and I even expect the words that she tends to throw my way.
And to be 100% honest with you I have thought a million times over about how much easier it would be to have biological children that we knew would be our to raise. Children that we weren’t improvising discipline strategies for, that we didn’t have to install doorbells on each door of our house for simply because we got a hot tub, children that after a long day and finally feeling like we were getting somewhere we didn’t have to have a gnawing thought in the back of our mind saying “this is pointless, it won’t be maintained after they leave your house, why are you even trying.”
But as soon as that sentence of doubt makes its way to the front of my mind there is always the gentle reasssurance that seeps into my heart reminding me that if it were easy it would not be worth it because when God gave grace through Christ there was nothing easy about it. My heart beats out my mind by reminding me that God is made perfect when we are at our very weakest.
And 15 minutes later after Christ has affirmed this decision in my life my blond haired blue-eyed treasure walks in with a smile on her face ready to begin her day happy again for reasons unexplained to me and I remember that God always knows what He is doing.