Part 2: Being There

Excerpts from my Journal while Traveling

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12/13/2014
Day 4

“Lord, You are the master craftsman. You have made everything I have seen and been in awe of. I know that You can heal mom and give her a long, full earthly life.
I also know that mom is tired, and that she is looking forward to her long, full heavenly life with You.
Whatever she decides through this process, help us to be understanding and at peace.

Please teach me to be humble and obedient. Help me to really listen to Your words and to be sensitive to go where you lead.
Give me a longing for ‘the least of these’ and a heart so full of compassion that standing still simply isn’t an option.

I know your timing is perfect, though it makes no sense to me.”

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12/16/2014

Day 6

“… when we got back to the village our hosts wanted to hear more about the Living God. I got to share about how Jesus was born, how he lived, died and how he rose again so that we could live with Him forever. I got to share about how this news took away my fear of death and gave me hope for a future.
And then it was like someone else started talking even though it was my voice, and they were sharing about things in my life that felt far too personal to be sharing with total strangers whom didn’t even speak my language.
I started talking about mom and what my family is currently walking through. I shared about how mom is not afraid of the possibility of death and about how I have hope and peace despite my sadness because I know I have an eternity to spend with her after death.”

I never had any intention of sharing my situation, but obviously God had other plans. It felt so weird to say those things out loud, and even as I was saying them I wasn’t really believing that things were going to work out the way they did.

We went to a lot of villages and came home with a million stories, but this will always be the one that I remember the most. It taught me about vulnerability. It reminded me that, even though we often times feel like we need to hide the hard parts of our lives and only let people in on the good, that is not how God intended us to do life.

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It doesn’t do anyone any good for me to pretend like I am not sad when I am. The beauty of doing life with Christ is that there is joy even in the pain. I am thankful that God gave me an opportunity to share what was going on in our lives with people on the other side of the world who have never heard of a hope beyond this life, or a peace that surpasses all understanding, or joy regardless of circumstance. So I will end this blog the same way I ended my journal that day,

“Lord, I pray that the words You gave us today would take root in the hearts of the people we shared with.
I pray that they would have an unquenchable desire to hear more
and that You would send someone to tell them more.”

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Part 1: Deciding to Go

I can remember the last “normal” day that I had pretty well.

At least normal is how it began…

It was Friday. I love Fridays. It means the end of stressful schedules and ensuring two days of bliss in the company of the worlds best husband. I was especially excited for this specific Friday because we were getting ready to drive to OKC to spend the night before we left the country for a three week trip on the other side of the world.

I had just gotten off work and was headed to the store for some last minutes supplies before we embarked on our newest adventure. I was pulling in to my least favorite place in any small town and getting ready to park while proceeding through a mental checklist to make sure I didn’t miss anything. As I pulled into my parking spot I got a text from my mom.

“Just letting you know I am at the hospital getting platelets. What time are you guys leaving tomorrow?”

I didn’t think much of it right that moment so I went into walmart and started doing my shopping.

**Sidenote; my mom was diagnosed with Meylodysplastic syndrome about 2 and a half years ago. She had a successful bone marrow transplant about 6 months later (my dates may be off slightly). You can read more about that here, here, and here.**

As I was walking through Walmart I started processing the text.. Mom was getting platelets. She hadn’t needed platelets since before her transplant. Why would she be getting platelets? I was slightly frantic as I walked through walmart. I was losing my cool, which was strange because I am normally pretty in-control of my tear ducts. I called my husband and told him about the text as tears streamed down my face in the middle of the camping aisle at Walmart. Eventually I pulled myself together, checked out, and called the one person every girl calls when they freak out or have a complete meltdown.
My mom.
My dad answered and I asked what was going on. His voice cracked as he handed the phone to my mom,
and I braced myself. 

Mom told me that her last appointment hadn’t gone quite as expected.

She had been diagnosed with leukemia. Chemo would buy some time and from what I understood that was our only option.


Maybe I shouldn’t have been shocked because I guess in retrospect there were a few signs pointing to the idea that she may not be recovering as she should have, but I was. I was shocked. The news totally threw me off my game.

I drove home and could not even pull all the way into the carport before totally losing it. I found Clint and sobbed for a good hour before remembering that we were supposed to be in the car driving to OKC.

It was probably the longest drive of my life.

6 hours of off and on tears full of fear for what may lie ahead.
My mom told me she still wanted me to go on my trip and even though I was extremely reluctant, I went.

I decided to go.
I decided to go and it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made.


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